A young man came to me for advice. He was separated from his wife and the situation was deteriorating with increasingly negative actions from his former partner. She was starting to falsely accuse him of some awful things, and had taken money from a joint account that had been set up for their children’s medical and other expenses.
He felt that he had to take some action, but didn’t want the situation to explode into a long-term negative experience, especially for the childrens’ sake.
I worked with him to explore options. We discussed personalities, their relationship history, their mutual friends, and what principles and options we might be able to bring to the conflict.
We decided that he would write a letter to her talking about their shared spiritual aims, their common community of friends, the childrens'’ feelings, and his wish to work with her in a way that would be a good example to their children and to their community, and also that would follow their shared desires for peace in the world.
He worked with his feelings to get through the anger and pain, and started a letter from a place of forgiveness and desire for healing. The letter brought up more wounds the early drafts fell again into anger. It was important that he used these letters for his own processing, and not send them until he felt that it would be helpful.
After more release on his part and patient waiting for that process to complete, a very heartfelt and strong letter came into being.
In this case, the letter was successful. The lines of communication were reopened and a working relationship reestablished. My time with him was a total of about two hours.
Another attorney might have taken the lead of this man’s pain and anger and sent a letter with threats of a lawsuit. It could have led to thousands of dollars in legal fees and possible lifetime trauma for the whole family.
We were fortunate that he was able to find a peaceful place within, and from that place bring the situation to a peaceful resolution. This case may have developed to the point where legal process would have been needed, but that can also be done with principle.
He reported to me several months later that their communication was friendly and functional. He was so relieved. And, for just over a few hundred dollars, he was able to gracefully, quickly and heartfully bring healing to his family.